Thursday, December 13, 2012

Jeremy vs. Life

Dear Life/The Universe/Whatever,

Look, I get it.  You don't like me.

I know this.  I got the message when I was 8. But, seriously, do you have to keep reminding me so often?

Don't get me wrong, I understand that everyone needs to get knocked down a peg every once in a while, but can I climb a few rungs up the ladder before you boot me in the face again?

No?

Well, then there is something that you are going to have to come to terms with... you are not going to get me to give up, and even if you do manage to knock me off the ladder completely and put me in the dirt, I'm going to get back up and start climbing again. Sure, ten or fifteen years ago I might have given up.  I might have let myself lie there face down in the mud with your boot grinding into the back of my head.  Not anymore.  You see, my life and how it turns out isn't about me anymore.  I have two people counting me to deliver for them everyday... and I will never let them down.

So go ahead and keep kicking.  Just keep in mind that while you may have connected with that kick in the stomach yesterday, you missed the last couple of times.  Eventually, you and I will be face to face on the ladder.  When that day comes...when we are finally eye to eye and on equal footing, I will grab you by the throat and drag you the rest of the way up the ladder... on my terms.

Sincerely yours,

Jeremy

Monday, December 3, 2012

Jeremy vs. Parenting - Bedtime Sucks



When people ask me what it's like being a parent I always tell them that it is both the most rewarding and the most frustrating thing I have ever done in my life... yeah, tonight definitely falls into the latter category.

Tonight is one of those nights where the limits of your patience gets tested.  It is one of those nights when you have to suck it up and let them cry.  It's a night when you swallow the lump in your throat and try to un-knot your stomach because you're standing outside the closed door to their room where you've dropped the giant pile of stuffed animals you just angrily stole from their beds. You're the one that made them cry and you feel like a big pile of shit because of it.  You tell yourself that they have to learn... that if they hadn't been talking and screwing around way past their bed time this wouldn't have been necessary... but it doesn't change the fact that they are both crying and calling for you because of what you have done.

I signed up for this.  I wanted to be a father.  Most of the time I love it.

Just not tonight.